John Terry and his affair

JT has signed up to star in a new TV show. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.

Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50mph zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding, he said: "l've just heard JT is parked outside my house!"

England manager Fabio Capello phoned Wayne Bridge and said: "JT's lost the captain's armband. Can you do me a favour and have a good look under your bed for it?"

So JT was sleeping with Wayne Bridge's girl. Poor old Wayne - he wasn't even first choice with his missus.

It's a good thing JT doesn't bring all his girlfriends to watch him play every match. Abramovich would have to increase the capacity of Stamford Bridge by 20,000.

Newsflash just in: "Bridge close to collapsing in Manchester. Support needed."

So JT has been caught stealing another man's girl. I bet his old mum will be so proud he's learned something from her.

Somebody bought me a box of Terry's All Gold. I was shocked to find new chocs called French Fancy and Cheat Cluster.

What have Wayne's ex-missus and the 2008 Champions League final goalpost got in common? They've both been banged by JT.

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John Terry, former Dad Of The Year.

Kerry Katona, former Mum Of The Year.

I bet Ronnie Wood is polishing his Grandad Of The Year award right now.

The England team have voted for Terry to keep his place in the World Cup squad. With the ban on WAGs travelling to South Africa, no one wants him left behind.

(To the tune of Lord Of The Dance) "Chelsea, wherever they may be, "Don't leave your bird with John Terry.

"Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, "And he'll get your missus up the duff!"

Did you know JT has scored 28 times at the Bridge? Nah, nor did Wayne.

What's John Terry's favourite song? Under The Bridge.

Wayne asked Vanessa Perroncel if she'd ever cheated on him. She confessed she had - three times. "THREE!" He cried. "When?"

She said: "Remember no one would give you a mortgage, then the bank manager came to see me and agreed it? Then the time you needed that leg operation and it was too tricky so the doc refused - until he came to see me and then you were sorted?

"Then the third time was when you really, really wanted to be made captain of Chelsea and you were those ten votes short... "

Wayne sent his missus a replica of his willy made from Cadbury's chocolate. But she refused it, saying she prefers Terry's!

Bridge refuses to play for England while John Terry's captain...let's hope he starts cheating with Heskey's missus too.

Have you seen his French lingerie model mistress?? She is HOT!!!!!

At least he got better taste than tiger

For tiger, any lobang he sees is.....'In the hole!!!!'

Footballers have a panchant for the beautiful 'game'....Hence goal scoring must be an art too!!