Excuses that you can tell when you have played a bad shot

Found this website with super lots of excuses http://www.golfjokes.co.uk/golf_excuses/index.html

A fly landed on my ball right when I hit.
A squirrel picked up my ball and put it in the bunker.
A squirrel pushed my ball into the trap, the good-for-nothing wannabe rats.
After that last shot, I'm just too embarrassed to try and hit the ball.
All the golf schools I liked were too expensive - so I self-taught.
Before the sex change, I was allowed to hit from the red tee. Its just too difficult to score now.
Bermuda grass sucks. My club keeps getting stuck.
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Damn it, have you no etiquette? Please quit breathing when I swing.
Didn't you hear that sound in the woods during my swing? It sounded like a duck. What's that smell?
Ever since I made a hole-in-one, I can't concentrate.
Fore!
From three hundred yards out it looks like the green sloped away. I should have laid up.
Golf is about etiquette, not playing well.
Golf isn't fun if it's competitive, so I don't try hard.
Hackers tore up the green. I can't play competively under these circumstances.
I aimed my shoulder too far left of the target.
I always aim too far left when coming out of the bunker.
I always choke when money is on the line.
I always get kicked off the course for being intoxicated. This is the first round I've finished.

I always lift my head when I chip. I need to tie a hook around my privates and a noose around my neck. I'll never look up again.
I am allergic to the pesticide spray. My eyes are watering and I can't see the ball.
I am committed to my wife. Golf has always come second.
I am constantly over-judging my shots.
I am hitting the ball too perfectly. It keeps going too far.
I ate way too much on the turn, now I'm bloated. I need a port-a-pottie.
I bent my 9 iron while killing a pig for the roast for my 22nd birthday party so I had to use my wedge.
I broke my pitching wedge the last time I played. This sand wedge gave me too much loft.
I can never get my last shot off my mind.
I can only chip with an 8 iron. I must have left it on the last hole, or maybe you are trying to sabotage my round.
I can only get enthusiastic about sex. Golf just doesn't do it so I don't try.
I can only get motivated to play golf after watching 'Caddyshack.'
I can only make the 10-footers; the 3-footers throw me off.
I can't afford golf lessons.
I can't concentrate since I got fired from the orange juice factory.
I can't focus on golf when my football team is playing.
I can't get my mental checklist in its proper order.
I can't get my wedge to bite.
I can't golf regularly for religious reasons.
I can't golf unless I'm clean-shaven.

I can't judge my ball in this cool December air.
I can't keep my head still on the back swing.
I can't play in 70 degree, sunny weather. I need snow, wind and rain.
I can't play on this course. I haven't been able to practice it on virtual golf.
I can't play unless I have sex prior to playing.
I can't play with these golf balls. They are all numbered.
I can't play with with graphite shafts. Steel is the way to go.
I can't tee off unless a crowd of people is watching.
I couldn't see from back there that it was not a vertical water hazard.
I cut my hand at work, so I can't get a firm grip on the clubs - but I love sick leave.
I decided to become celibate yesterday.
I didn't come to play golf. I wanted to see the Cub's spring training.
I didn't flex my wrists on the back-swing.
I didn't follow through on the swing.
I didn't follow through with my hips.
I didn't have a 3 wood so I had to use my 5 wood.
I didn't have fish for breakfast - I only play well when I eat fish for breakfast.
I didn't have lunch, I have no energy.
I didn't keep my left arm in. I hate this game.
I didn't open my stance and I pushed the ball to the left.

I didn't put on my deodorant this morning and the smell is making my eyes water.
I don't care how I score when I'm young. My only goal is to live long enough to shoot lower than my age.
I don't have a sand wedge. I lost it in the lake last time I played.
I don't like these balls I bought over the Internet. They fly too far.
I don't like this gripless club but my broker gave it to me.
I drank too much coffee - I have the shakes.
I dropped my left shoulder and hooked the ball.
I duffed the shot. No excuse for that.
I focus my attention on putting, not on my drives.
I focus too much on where the ball is going. I can never follow through.
I forgot about that trap in front of the green.
I forgot my antacid and I have bad indigestion from eating all that candy last night.
I forgot my golf visor in the car.
I forgot my sunglasses in my other golf bag.
I forgot my umbrella in the car. Now my glasses are foggy.
I forgot to take my vitamins this morning. Now I'm out of energy.
I get nervous shooting last all the time.
I get so excited when I play, I can't relax. I love this game.
I got whip lash when you started the cart. Now my neck hurts.
I gripped the clubs too far down and topped the ball.

I had a blind shot, but the ball went where I hit it. I just didn't see the pond.
I had a clump ofmud on my ball, causing it to spin to the left.
I had a root canal last year. It still hurts when I golf.
I had my knees bent too far and I got way under the ball.
I had the club face opened too much in the bunker.
I had to lay up, I was just using the 3 wood for the heck of it.
I had to take a drop. The speed limit sign was in the way.
I had too big of a breakfast. I can't get the club around my gut.
I hate playing on Sundays. They won't serve me beer until 11am.
I hate these soft spikes. I keep slipping.
I have a bad case of jet lag.
I have a headache from the concert last night. I just can't concentrate.
I have a tear in my golf glove.
I have been living in Africa the last three yars and no courses are within walking distance.
I have had a bad back from Rugby practice yesterday.
I have had to play softball every Saturday and Sunday this summer. I just haven't been out.
I have no excuse for that shot. I should have bought that book by Justin Exner.
I have not refilled my medication this week.
I have really bad jock itch so my stance is all screwed up.
I have sarcoidosis, I haven't been able to play.

I have tendonitis in my left foot.
I have tennis elbow. What the hell is tennis elbow anyway?
I have to go to the bathroom, and I can't concentrate when I have to go #2.
I haven't been able to play since the auto accident. I can't sue for strokes.
I haven't had any money to play, my school loans are due.
I haven't had sex all month. I just can't putt. I have not control of my stick.
I haven't had time to practice my putting.
I haven't taken putting lessons yet.
I hit it off the heel of the club.
I hit it off the toe of the club.
I hurt my elbow when I got out of that damn cart.
I hurt my hips while having sex last night.
I just can't envision the shot - and that's the key to the whole game.
I just can't find the sweet spot.
I just can't gauge the chip-shots like I used to.
I just can't generate the power like when I was young.
I just can't get that triple bogey out of my head.
I just can't keep my mind off her, it's so frustrating. Where is the beer girl anyway?
I just choked. Again...
I just didn't get all of the ball.

I just don't have any rhythm today, I need to listen to some music.
I just don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong.
I just don't play well in the sun, rain, clouds, snow or sleet - I lose my focus.
I just keep pushing the ball. I don't know what the hell is wrong.
I just moved to a new house and my back is aching. I have no follow-through.
I just need to work on my grip.
I just want the most strokes for the money - to heck with my score.
I keep closing the club face and I can't get the loft to clear the red tees.
I keep moving my putter when I swing my shoulders.
I keep picking up my head, I'm afraid the geese are going to do their business on me.
I keep pulling the ball. It must be the aerobics I've been taking.
I keep second-guessing my shots.
I left my new clubs in my other car.
I left my pitching wedge in the lake over there.
I left my watch on and it throws off my balance.
I lifted the tip of the putter too high off the ground.
I lined up with the ball too close to my left foot.
I lost all my money gambling and now I can't afford lessons.
I lost my contact on the last hole. I'm playing one-eyed.
I lost one of my contacts and the flagstick is all fuzzy.

I lost the ball in the fog, but it was headed straight for the green. Someone must have picked it up.
I made it over the lake last time. It must be the humidity.
I moved my body too far on impact and sliced it into the fairway but it rolled into the woods.
I moved my right knee on the back-swing, creating an illusion of power which was improperly assessed.
I must need new glasses.
I need a beer and the beer cart lady hasn't been around.
I need one of those shark grips on my putter. It seems to work for all the guys on the tour.
I need to change my putting technique.
I need to relax. I'm playing way too fast.
I need yellow lenses for my sunglasses, I'm getting too many ultraviolet rays.
I needed to use a seven, not an eight, just short of a hole in one.
I never aligned the club face on my set-up.
I never centered my shaft.
I never even saw that tree next to the pond next to the forest.
I never flared my left foot.
I never follow through when trying to get out of a bunker.
I never had a shot-the tree was in the way.
I never looked at the whole green. It slopes left.
I never noticed this trap before. I usually hit the green from 275 out.
I never played this course before, so I'm not familiar with the layout.

I never saw the break from that angle.
I never tilted my shoulders.
I normally hit a bucket of balls before playing.
I only care if I look good, not how I play.
I only par holes with white flags.
I only play for personal, non-substantive goals.
I only play for the camaraderie.
I only play well on hilly courses.
I only play well when I bet.
I only read three angles to the putt. I should have taken all four. I'm too lazy.
I only started playing last month.
I only took the game up to get away from the wife. I don't really care if I'm good.
I opened the face of the club. It must be the cast.
I picked up my foot on my back-swing.
I play better with a hard golf ball. These soft ones are for the pros.
I play better with golfers who are actually good.
I play better with women. They motivate me.
I play for the exercise, not the score.
I played the ball too far back in my stance and I couldn't get it over that tree.
I played too much softball last wek, I'm hitting the ball too flat.

I pulled a muscle in my leg while helping an elderly lady get her bag out of the car trunk.
I pulled my club too far back on the back-swing, creating in sufficient torque on the forward transition.
I pulled the putt because an ant crawled on my shoe.
I pulled the putter too far back.
I pushed my hips too much while trying to get out of that fairway trap.
I put way too much spin on the ball and it rolled off the green, over the hill, bounced off that rake and fell into the trap.
I putted really well on the miniature golf course last night.
I quit smoking yesterday.
I ran out off tees, so I had to use half a tee and I couldn't get the loft required to fly the trap.
I read way too much into the putts.
I rotated my hands too far to the left, which made the club face open at an improper point of the swing.
I shot a 71 on this course last time. Then again, it was on my computer.
I should have focused on the spot behind the ball.
I should have put more iron on the ball.
I should have used the putter to get out of the bunker.
I slept on my shoulder the wrong way. Now my swing is all messed up.
I spread my legs too far and I couldn't see my balls, I mean ball.
I stubbed my toe on the base of my bed, now I can't wear my golf shoes.
I swung down on the ball.
I teed the ball too slow.

I think my ball is addicted to water. That's why it keeps landing in the river.
I thought blue markers meant 100 yards.
I thought I could ask what club you use without taking penalty strokes.
I thought if the ball is above your feet it will slice.
I thought that when I turned 40 I could play from the gold tees.
I thought the red stakes were a target towards the green.
I thought the right hand was supposed to be on top when I putt.
I thought the white stake on the side is what I was aiming for. I didn't realise it was out of bounds.
I thought this little shark on my shirt made me play better.
I thought this was a dog leg left. It looks like that from the score card.
I thought this was a par 5. I was laying for a par.
I thought this was a par six. I was just laying up.
I thought this was the nine iron, not the six.
I thought we were using the green over there.
I thought you aim halfway when chipping with a 7 iron.
I thought you get a Mulligan every hole. That's the way I was taught.
I thought you said dog-leg left, not right.
I thought you said, 'dog leg left.'
I took too much of a divot. It caused the ball to fall short of the 125 yards required.
I took too much sand on that swing.

I suck.

itchy...

haven warm up

Stupid club...... Then proceed to justify to self on buying a new driver

I got distracted when some golfer screamed "OH MY GOD!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TS, you realize she is going to get even with you next time we play together, right?