Started losing friends - after playing good golf

This is an interesting topic. Just to add to all the discussion. Sometime we need to also understand our golf kakis. Generally there is a group of keen golfers and there is another group who is less keen.  

The keen group will go all out to practice on range, buy/sell golf clubs, organise golf games and book golf flights diligently....etc. The less keen group are more passive. They may have some interests, but they will not go all out like the first group. Some of them play golf for sake of work (to entertain  their boss or clients).

You are probably in the first group whereas your kakis are in the second group. The only way to keep your kaki motivated is to level the playing field by giving strokes and also reduce the bets (if any) and tee from the White. When I play with this group, I will normally not initiate any betting (unless they insist) nor insist on blue or white tee. Let them decide.

The next thing your can do is to expand your circles to include other golfers that share the same aspiration as you. 

Cheers.

Thanks you all for the good pointers & feedback. Some of them were very good. As you know i am not very active on GR. However all support given was much appreciated. One of these days I might join GR Event so that i get to know u all in person.

For now i will follow Derek comments - I personally think that might work out well. Hoping for the best.

many times, its not the money for small bets. its the attitude n etiquette of the golfer.

my advise to people with poor character is stop golfing , you only create more enemies than friends.

Derek wrote:

Hi all,

Without over analysing the whole thing, can I ask the thread starter (TS) one simple question?

How often do you win playing with your kakis?

If the answer is all the time, then you are not giving enough strokes.  The whole idea behind golf and the handicap system is that people of different skill levels can compete against each other.  The underlying principle behind the handicap system is the integrity to assess the differences in skill (and scoring, not always the same thing) honestly.

Can I suggest the following?  Especially if these are your friends and your bets are small ...

How many strokes would you have to give them such that 75% of the time, you are going to LOSE?

That is the number you should be looking at.  If you play a good round and manage to win, it is even more special.  If it drives you to improve further so your winning rate increases, even better, you have become better and you can now give more strokes so that you start to LOSE again.

If you insist on playing off a level basis, then it is not surprising that your mates do not want to play with you.

If you do not know where to start, my suggestion, based on what you have posted is simple.  110 minus 95 = 15.  Why don't you give your friends 1 stroke on every hole except Par 3s?  If you still win, give more ...

Have fun!

That's giving a 7-7.
Your friends sure come back to you. 

flashpacker wrote:

Derek wrote:

Hi all,

Without over analysing the whole thing, can I ask the thread starter (TS) one simple question?

How often do you win playing with your kakis?

If the answer is all the time, then you are not giving enough strokes.  The whole idea behind golf and the handicap system is that people of different skill levels can compete against each other.  The underlying principle behind the handicap system is the integrity to assess the differences in skill (and scoring, not always the same thing) honestly.

Can I suggest the following?  Especially if these are your friends and your bets are small ...

How many strokes would you have to give them such that 75% of the time, you are going to LOSE?

That is the number you should be looking at.  If you play a good round and manage to win, it is even more special.  If it drives you to improve further so your winning rate increases, even better, you have become better and you can now give more strokes so that you start to LOSE again.

If you insist on playing off a level basis, then it is not surprising that your mates do not want to play with you.

If you do not know where to start, my suggestion, based on what you have posted is simple.  110 minus 95 = 15.  Why don't you give your friends 1 stroke on every hole except Par 3s?  If you still win, give more ...

Have fun!

That's giving a 7-7.
Your friends sure come back to you. 

Thought they foresaw this issue and created the handicap system so all levels of players can enjoy the game together. 

TS@ no worries for lack of kakis if u are a wkday warrior, the only worry you will have is to join who to play.

If your current kakis are avoiding you, u still start looking for other groups to improve or the least to maintain your score.

I have a wkday kaki group with vary standard; 110s to 80s. Feel free to pm me if you wanna join the group.

willytan wrote:

TS@ no worries for lack of kakis if u are a wkday warrior, the only worry you will have is to join who to play.

If your current kakis are avoiding you, u still start looking for other groups to improve or the least to maintain your score.

I have a wkday kaki group with vary standard; 110s to 80s. Feel free to pm me if you wanna join the group.

Bro, u missed out saying u r low 70s. Kekekekekekeke.

vinjess wrote:

willytan wrote:

TS@ no worries for lack of kakis if u are a wkday warrior, the only worry you will have is to join who to play.

If your current kakis are avoiding you, u still start looking for other groups to improve or the least to maintain your score.

I have a wkday kaki group with vary standard; 110s to 80s. Feel free to pm me if you wanna join the group.

Bro, u missed out saying u r low 70s. Kekekekekekeke.

Wah Bro Willy secret out in open liao!!

Alvin@ 

If I m playing low 70s, I wld have quit my day job and go into full time golfing career as a touring pro or coaching pro Liao.

Why are you playing off blue when you're playing in the mid-90s? I think that's not entirely responsible but more to your point, it seems that you're unwilling to accommodate your friends who aren't playing as well as you are. Golf is a game of fellowship (yes, it is) so you can do one of 2 things:

1. Be more accommodating and offer to play off white just so that you can play with your friends.
2. Find new friends who, like you, will play off blue tees and shoot in the mid-90s.

This is my 2 dongs worth.

I have played with many many people of varying standards. from pros to grandpas who take out drivers for 150yd par 3. 

I guess it's just about looking at yourself when you play. 

I use to play regularly with a single handicapper until he was posted back to Singapore. when he plays with us, its off white. When he plays with same level players, its blue or maybe even further back. He has no qualms about it. Easy going. fun loving guy. He told me that we always play to the weakest player's level. 

I am lucky to learn this from him from an early stage and hence it has helped me adapt when playing with new people. when they start all the trash talk, I give it as good as I get. if they seem to be serious players, I follow like wise. its all about accommodating each other

From your post whereby you talked about how good you have become,(BTW congrats on reaping the benefits of your hard work and effort) it seems to point out only how you are better than your friends and how they have deserted you. It might serve you well to look at it from their perspective. 

I have never lost friends because of playing better golf, I have only stop playing with players who have no etiquette on the course.

By Winston: "I use to play regularly with a single handicapper until he was posted back to Singapore. when he plays with us, its off white. When he plays with same level players, its blue or maybe even further back. He has no qualms about it. Easy going. fun loving guy. He told me that we always play to the weakest player's level. "


A great advice and I am going to adopt it. But I am still playing at white tees!!!!Any tees between white and red, just kidding!!!!

Winston wrote:

This is my 2 dongs worth.

I have played with many many people of varying standards. from pros to grandpas who take out drivers for 150yd par 3. 

I guess it's just about looking at yourself when you play. 

I use to play regularly with a single handicapper until he was posted back to Singapore. when he plays with us, its off white. When he plays with same level players, its blue or maybe even further back. He has no qualms about it. Easy going. fun loving guy. He told me that we always play to the weakest player's level. 

I am lucky to learn this from him from an early stage and hence it has helped me adapt when playing with new people. when they start all the trash talk, I give it as good as I get. if they seem to be serious players, I follow like wise. its all about accommodating each other

From your post whereby you talked about how good you have become,(BTW congrats on reaping the benefits of your hard work and effort) it seems to point out only how you are better than your friends and how they have deserted you. It might serve you well to look at it from their perspective. 

I have never lost friends because of playing better golf, I have only stop playing with players who have no etiquette on the course.

The dongs are worth more than 2. 
Well said.

willytan wrote:

Alvin@ 

If I m playing low 70s, I wld have quit my day job and go into full time golfing career as a touring pro or coaching pro Liao.

Bro, if you are playing the low 70s, I doubt you can make it successfully as a touring pro ... Perhaps a teaching pro is still fine ... You need much more than playing in the 70s to be a successful touring pro ... One needs to be a consistent scratch player plus appropriate mental strength to be in this league ... Cheers!

Winston wrote:

This is my 2 dongs worth.

I have played with many many people of varying standards. from pros to grandpas who take out drivers for 150yd par 3. 

I guess it's just about looking at yourself when you play. 

I use to play regularly with a single handicapper until he was posted back to Singapore. when he plays with us, its off white. When he plays with same level players, its blue or maybe even further back. He has no qualms about it. Easy going. fun loving guy. He told me that we always play to the weakest player's level. 

I am lucky to learn this from him from an early stage and hence it has helped me adapt when playing with new people. when they start all the trash talk, I give it as good as I get. if they seem to be serious players, I follow like wise. its all about accommodating each other

From your post whereby you talked about how good you have become,(BTW congrats on reaping the benefits of your hard work and effort) it seems to point out only how you are better than your friends and how they have deserted you. It might serve you well to look at it from their perspective. 

I have never lost friends because of playing better golf, I have only stop playing with players who have no etiquette on the course.

Well said Winston,  personally you should reap the benefit from your hard work and constant practice.

Willy is a pro to be soon. Woohoo....
Playing 70s constantly is his game now.

personally...... I dun think such incidents befall upon me


maybe its my humble n charming disposition....


hahahaha

I gained new friends....scary friends....friends I can't un-friend.....friends i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy....friends that like to say strange words like "up", "press", "aiyah..paiseh..birdie again"....

if i were you...i'd stick to my old friends...go back..play from white...shoot in the 100s.....

Amazing!!!! How is it that a complex game like golf has been made even more complicated.......

Judging from the amount of response garnered by this thread ~ golf has now been transformed to a whole new ball game....... Seems like the gathering of golf buddies / weekend warriors on a 18 hole golf course to foster camaraderie is now out of the window ~ not to mention sportsmanship or other good qualities that come with the game. 

So, is it the game's fault or is it society that made us such competitive or even KS creatures.......

Happy SG50 ~ don't forget to vote

SEMANGAT!!!!! 

I think u may have forgot "triple"!!!

golfool2009 wrote:

I gained new friends....scary friends....friends I can't un-friend.....friends i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy....friends that like to say strange words like "up", "press", "aiyah..paiseh..birdie again"....

if i were you...i'd stick to my old friends...go back..play from white...shoot in the 100s.....

Scary friends indeed!!
 

i play with some of my friends who are single handicappers..and i still love playing with them ..despite some x they have to wait for me.. To me, non tourament golf is a game to enjoy with good friends.. to spend the day together having porny jokes..and loads of trash talking.. 

I dare to say, my good golfing friends are not losing in fact getting more friends. Booking them seems to be harder as they are real 'Hot' fav to many of their golfing kakis . Being accommodating and humble is the most impt.

anyhow, we always tee from white....  and they always give me FOC mulligan, of course with some guidance..!!! LOL!!!

Give your kakis 1 hole 1 stroke, and increase the stakes of betting. See if they come back playing with you again or not....

golfool2009 wrote:

I gained new friends....scary friends....friends I can't un-friend.....friends i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy....friends that like to say strange words like "up", "press", "aiyah..paiseh..birdie again"....

if i were you...i'd stick to my old friends...go back..play from white...shoot in the 100s.....

I would never do that to you. I wish I could but I suck at the sport. If anything, I'd use those terms as follows:

"Crap, I F'd UP again"

"Please don't press me to increase bets!"

"Aiyah, paiseh... I almost killed the birdie with my stray shot"

I would agree with most of the comments here. My experience is exactly the opposite of OP. I think it's a privilege to play with very good players because I also learn when I watch them play. Only worry is whether they want to play with me - a bit paiseh every other hole to ask a single handicapper "errrr did you see where my ball landed...?"

But so far all the good players I've played with have always played at the white tee without any problems.