funny golf quotes.

When I die, bury me on the golf course, so my husband will visit.
Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
Author Unknown

I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted.
Author Unknown

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
Pete Dye (His golf courses reflect this belief!!!)

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.
Paul Harvey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Al Boliska

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Billy Graham

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Ben Hogan

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
Chuck Hogan

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Woodrow Wilson

A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible .
Author Unknown

Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.
Author Unknown

Born to golf. Forced to work.
Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off .
Author Unknown

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures .... and not in still waters.
Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
Author Unknown

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of bagpipes.