INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby, and your food is getting wet, then, for the eating period only, it is permissible.

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However you can complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding S*x pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have S*x with her Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal 'drunken monkey S*x', the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a XBOX360. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

Amen to that, brother!

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF WOMANHOOD...


1) It is mandatory that you check out every girl walking on the street who is at least a tad bit hot.
It is also acceptable to tell the man you're walking with, "She's HOT" till she can't hear you,

2) After complimenting another woman, it is permitted that you turn around and bitch about her to your best friend.

3) You shall never go to the washroom without at least one other girlfriend from your group.

4) All women find other women hot and have small crushes on them. Especially if the other woman is Julia Roberts or Penelope Cruz. Its genetic.

5) You don't think logically when you're crying or upset or annoyed. That's like asking Navjot Singh Sidhu to never use idioms.

6) It is okay if you can't use a piece of technology after reading the ENTIRE instruction manual. It's perfectly normal.

7) Retail therapy works. If you claim otherwise, you're lying.

8) It is okay if you cry under ANY and ALL circumstances. It's allowed.


9) You must remember the birthdays and anniversaries of all your friends. If you forget your girlfriends first date anniversary you may be ignored for 6 months.

10) When you comprehend "men like girls with a sense of humour" as you should crack jokes, it is at your own risk. More often than not, it means- "She should laugh at all my jokes".
Also, laugh at a man at your own peril.

11) You can fantasize about Daniel Craig or want Hugh Jackman to take off his shirt in a movie forever. The guy cannot watch Beyonce dance on TV.

12) When splitting a bill when you're out with girls, you may use your calculator and still not know who must pay how much.

13)If you drop your friends as soon as you get a boyfriend, you will live to regret your decision.

14) Your best friend's brother, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, love interest, ex- love interest is immediately off limits.

15) You always make the rules. You always win. You can change the rules at your discretion.

16) You know the guy will always want to watch ESPN. But you're ALWAYS allowed to whine about it even if you want to watch it too. If only to trouble him.

17) You don't fight with a man over the directions to the place you're going to. Especially if you're interested in him.

18) When you're fighting with your boyfriend, you can bring up something hurtful he said six months ago. Even if you know he didn't mean it and he has forgotten he ever said it.

19) Even if you love Bipasha's new Bob or Mandira Bedi's new Pixie hairdo, you don't cut your hair. Apparently, Men crib about it. They don't understand fashion.

20) Even if you want to win all the time, if it's something he's passionate about, let him win. It has greater benefits.
21) The man is expected to read the woman's mind. You must not tell him why you're upset at him. Are you crazy?

22) If you become predictable, you change. The guy can never know all the rules.

23) You never have enough clothes. Or enough shoes.

24) Don't say you like the action movie you just watched even if you did. You'll never be taken out for a romantic comedy again.

25) If you're a girl. You're a gossip. Its genetic.

shorthitter wrote:

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e. When she is using her teeth.

When Arnold goes into the lava at the end of T2 is also permissible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGI_XuT5Ru8