Lawyers

A man went to his lawyer and told him "My neighbor owes me $500.00 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do???

"Do you have any proof ?", asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000.00 he owed you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500.00!",  replied the man.

"Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the  proof we need,"  said the lawyer.


--------------------------------------------------------------

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how  would you go about it?".

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was  outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him..... I hereby give and convey to you all and
singular, my estate and  interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice,  pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or  give
the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any  deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.

-------------------------------------------------------


A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.

Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and
said.....
Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat???

The lawyer replied...... Of course, how much was the roast??? "$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.

Attached to it was an invoice that read:-

Legal Consultation Service..... $150.00


-------------------------------------------------------

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps so he went to law school. He graduated with an honours and then went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said.....

Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!!!

His father responded..... You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!!!

===============================================

Q:   'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the  scene?'  

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a  person matching  the description of the offender, running several  blocks away.'  

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'  

A:  'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A  fellow  officer provided the description of this so-called  offender. Do you  trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir.  With my life.'  

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then  officer.  
Do  you have a room where you change your clothes in  preparation for  your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'  

Q: 'And do  you have a locker in the room?'

A:  'Yes sir, I do.'  

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your  locker?'  
A:  'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust  your  fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock  your  locker in a room you share with these same officers?'  

A:  'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court  complex, and  sometimes lawyers have been to walk through that  room.                   

Up for Technospaz

Heard them all before... *groan*

damn... lawyer jokes are funny stuff... keep it coming....

Khorkar wrote:

damn... lawyer jokes are funny stuff... keep it coming....

KK - where've you been? Haven't seen you at the Den for a while.