Started losing friends - after playing good golf

Good Day All Golfer,

I am currently facing this problem which you guys must have come acrrosed during your golfing experience.
We started with 5 guys to take up golf & 1 give during the lessons.
4 made it to the green playing 120...
then became 110 & 105 & so on...
Now the problem is i regularly play 94 to 96 on blue tee & my friends still playing around 110.
Even though it sounds within the range - they don't enjoy golf playing with me.
They have started to play their own game.... i feel i am isolated.....

Any suggestions how to manage this type of golfers... and worst case his i enjoy golf more when playing with friends rather than joining flight.

Is this common ??

110 and mid 90s not much difference in terms of time taken, speed and skills IMHO. Less than a putt a hole difference. If all finish around the 4hr mark, then maybe you should see if it is your etiquette or some other things that they have an issue with

Does not sound like a skill level difference issue to me.

Very True, I personally think its the competiveness causing the friction....
Ususally we bet for a small amt $10 - so money is not the factor.
Honestly i myself spending alot of time on golf... as well as my friends practicing in range and etc.

We usually try to play once a week, the problem i foresee is every week they don't win.
usually they are frustrated with their game and now i think its on the verge of giving up...
so their best solution is to avoid me for golf game. which is unfair to me for training so hard...

Personaly i am not boasting here... i wan to manage this problem to maintain a good golf kakis....
I do mistakes on course too, like duff, 4 putts & etc....

SS10KARTHIK,

In that case, you should give them the appropriate no. of strokes to motivate them a little ... No. of strokes to be given depends upon your and your kakis scores ... Let say if the difference is 4 strokes for a 18th hole round, 1 stroke to be given for the 4 most difficult holes (based on 4 index holes indicated on the score card)  but all must tee off at the same tee box. This is how we arrange if I bet with my kakis.

Are they also playing Blue tee with you?
For them, they should play White including you.  And you give 4-4

Usually we play matchplay and every 2 holes I win, give 1 index hole to my kakis. E.g. you win 6 holes for 1st 9, next 9 holes, you give them 3 index holes of 1 stroke each. Slowly it will become quite even fight.

We normally play sixes and scoring is by stableford points (best ball) off our individual handicaps. The losing team will contribute the predetermined loss into a "pool" that will be used to pay for breakfast and lunch. This way, the winners do not get to keep any winnings. The aim is then to minimise your losses. There is less strain on friendship.

Another way you can level up the game is whenever you are up by two holes or more, you will give your opponents a stroke on the next hole thus giving them the chance to close the gap.

Hope the above helps.

Thanks for all ideas on giving strokes to make even fight.... Let me try out the giving strokes method. Because i enjoy golf and friendship - maybe its time for me to change new clubs - Currently i am using Ping G2 ( quite old, maybe some of you might consider this as dinosaur club)
the change will definetly bring up my score as i will need time to accomodate the new clubs to get the right feel. (just a thought)

on a joking side - maybe more active in market place... haha

Haha hope your friends will play with you again..

HAHAHA... This is an enjoyable read.. Yes it is common even for 10 bucks.. Often not so much cos of money but more cos of pride... Yes I agree with all here.. Giving strokes to make it more fun, after all like you said money is not the important thing here.. 

Also, I suggest buying lunch after the game. I would usually do that if time permits, coming out the money to buy everybody lunch and beer is a great way to build friendship too.. 

All the best !

If you're shooting 94+ and your kakis are shooting 100+ it might be worth playing off the white tees. You'd all probably enjoy it a bit more and you should get round a bit faster as well.

You should also consider joining a club and working towards getting a hcp as well. The hcp is there to help you all compete on a level playing field.

CM

Sorry to be blunt but if your friends avoid u because you are playing better than them or they envy u....then I think something is wrong

If I am your friend, I will train harder and get a coach etc so as to catch up

Giving strokes will not solve the problem. Very soon, you will find that even u give strokes, they cannot beat you because you practice but they don't 

I feel that a real friend must share in the joy of one another and mutually encourage one another as and when required. 

My views

"the change will definetly bring up my score as i will need time to accomodate the new clubs to get the right feel. "

ok cannot tahan liao . . . . i actually think the problem is with TS. But that's just me and my worthless opinion. 

PEACE!!!

I agree that you should tee it forward and play from whites too. Doesn't make much sense to me to play blue tees if average score is around 94/96. 
I also agree that you should give them strokes based on yours and their hcp, this should bring the competition factor back.

You don't lose Kakis by playing better golf ... period

I've come across single hdcppers who don't want to play with 110s.
Works both ways

andrew-golf wrote:

You don't lose Kakis by playing better golf ... period

you are  so right......


dear ts,

I find it regrettable that such incident happens to you....

personally, I find such friendship not sustainable just cos u playing better than your friends...

but life moves on... time to look for like-minded golfing kakis

u shd embark to meet more golfers....jmho

I actually prefers playing scramble format w. my buddies these days. Stableford is when one of us has too little to spend.

In anyway, I will not golf w. somebody who is self-acclaimed regardless how many strokes they give.

TS, see if you fall into any of these types of golfers

http://www.golfdigest.com/golf/humor/18-most-annoying-golf-partners

I would suggest that you find an opportune time to speak privately with one of your golfing friends (the one whom you feel is most comfortable with) and ask him to tell you honestly if you are doing anything that irritate or cause discomfort to the others. You will have to be open minded about it because you may not like what you hear. If you value these friends, then it's best to find out the real causes and do something about it. Cheers!

slinger wrote:

andrew-golf wrote:

You don't lose Kakis by playing better golf ... period

you are  so right......


dear ts,

I find it regrettable that such incident happens to you....

personally, I find such friendship not sustainable just cos u playing better than your friends...

but life moves on... time to look for like-minded golfing kakis

u shd embark to meet more golfers....

Wow, TS u must be very honoured that the master is replying u. 
I think he is sending u an invitation to join him

There are always 2 side to everything. Other than suspecting your kakis, have you reflected on yourself?

Win too much money? Too much trash talk? Too much coaching on the coursr? Too impatient waiting fir them or helping them look for stray balls?

To TS, no one will walk away from you simply because you play better. In fact, most people enjoy playing with better players so that they can learn unless he/she is out to make money out of lousy golfers or enjoys watching his flightmates suffer on the course. Playing habits, personality, demeanour, etiquette, etc. all play a part and contribute to the break-up. 

$10 may be a very small amount but some people tend to get more competitive or adhere more strictly to rules. I have friends who will question why we dropped where we dropped, not marking balls, etc..... I realised that betting usually causes disagreements and may deteriorate friendship over time. Giving strokes to level the play is important which gives not so good players a chance to fight. But most important is to look within yourself and see if you have some behaviours which may irk others. No one is perfect and just have an open talk to your kakis. Hopefully they can shed some lights. 

Finally, I also believe friends come and go. Don't get too upset if you lose some kakis. Go find others and who knows, you may find another group which you can click well.

Just my 2cents worth of comments.

Hi all,

Without over analysing the whole thing, can I ask the thread starter (TS) one simple question?

How often do you win playing with your kakis?

If the answer is all the time, then you are not giving enough strokes. The whole idea behind golf and the handicap system is that people of different skill levels can compete against each other. The underlying principle behind the handicap system is the integrity to assess the differences in skill (and scoring, not always the same thing) honestly.

Can I suggest the following? Especially if these are your friends and your bets are small ...

How many strokes would you have to give them such that 75% of the time, you are going to LOSE?

That is the number you should be looking at. If you play a good round and manage to win, it is even more special. If it drives you to improve further so your winning rate increases, even better, you have become better and you can now give more strokes so that you start to LOSE again.

If you insist on playing off a level basis, then it is not surprising that your mates do not want to play with you.

If you do not know where to start, my suggestion, based on what you have posted is simple. 110 minus 95 = 15. Why don't you give your friends 1 stroke on every hole except Par 3s? If you still win, give more ...

Have fun!

the best solution.. dun bet lor! keke. 

Jokes aside. I guess betting is a very common thing nowadays. even with small wagers like 10RM can cause friction. Play becomes a lot more serious and losing week in and week out can be very demoralizing and frustrating. 

Giving strokes is a must to level out the game. How would u like to play level with a 10 hcp and not get any strokes and he wins ur money every week? hehe. What my kakis and i do? simple.. the winnings go to paying for lunch or drinks after the round. that way.. everyone's happy. losers get free food/drinks.. winner gets to be the bigger man by treating his/her kakis. if got balance.. that's a bonus. if the bill costs more than the winnings.. the rest can chip in the balance. 

Another reason could be difference in mindset. Your kakis may just wanna enjoy the game and not take it too seriously whereas you are the opposite. Training hard and playing seriously on course. If that's the case. dun fight it. leave them be and find some like-minded golfers who have the same mindset as you. You will probably improve a lot faster too by playing with low hcp players and learn alot more from them as well.